It's like whatever...

Dear future self,

Is it possible to like someone that you hate at the same time? Or like someone whom you know nothing about except for how much of a rude jerk they are, the colour of their eyes and the brand of underwear they wear?

The answer is a big fat YES!

For now let's call him Bad-boy (bb for short). Anyway, so apart from Mr.Perfect who I've sorta lose interest in, Bb is another guy I've recently became fond of.

He sits in front of me in the only subject we have together, maths.

I like the view of his back side and as I stare at his haircut that is shaved halfway with hair flopping to the side of his face, I become more affectionate towards him.

Once, he was swinging on his chair and gave me a glimpse of the brand of underwear he  wears (weird I know but hey its love).

Apart from knowing that he's a rude jerk towards the teachers but still quite good at maths, he is a complete stranger to me.

But even so, I fell in love with him.

Should I be worried?

Oh well, nothing will happen between us because we've never talked and I doubt he even knows that I exist.

I don't even know his last name so there's no way of stalking him.

Bur it's like whatever.


Yours sincerely
    Your past self

Leaving It All Behind Me!

Dear future self,


A lot has happened in the past week, some good, some bad and some just plain weird.

Okay, I guess I should catch you guys up on some things because this week has been a major roller coaster.

On Wednesday, we had Sex Education. You heard me right! The worst part is that our school principal taught the class. Talk about extreme awkwardness!

I'm not very confident in telling you anything that we talked about, but let's just say that  it's something I'll never be comfortable with talking to my Mum about.

Anyway, on the same day, this guy, let's call him Jay, kept staring at me. I used to like him and he knew that but didn't he get the news that I'm over him? Okay, that's false. I like him..sort of...

Basically, he sat across the room from me and our chairs were positioned so we sat opposite of one another. We stared at each other for like  3 seconds sometimes longer for the entire time we had Sex Ed (which was the whole day!)

He's cute now that I think about it....

Then on the same day..still.

I talked back to the teacher. That hasn't ever happened before. I wouldn't say I regretted it, but I certainly do feel guilty.

She told me that I'm never rude like that and she hopes that I don't turn out like the other really bad ass year 10s in my class. What a joke!

Tomorrow, my sister that I secretly can't stand deep down, is coming here. By the way it's the same sister from my "I'm Skinnier than you" post.

Yeah, she's the basic body shaming b*tch.

Sorry for the B bomb, just wanted to make it clear that I don't respect her 100%.

Future self, a lot has happened. I feel like I'm evolving for the better or worse. But let's just keep it all in June and be a completely different respectful person in July.



Yours sincerely,
your past self

"I'm not invisible!"

Dear future self,


You miss one day of school and it's like you don't know anybody anymore and you have no clue what anyone is doing.

On Friday, I faked a sicky because honestly I was just feeling so depressed. Then I came back to school today (Monday) and I felt as though I've jumped into another dimension because nobody was socialising with me and I've no clue of what the heck we're doing in all my subjects.

It's like I've been separated from everyone and I'm the odd one out.

I hate this feeling!

During drama, I missed out on one rehearsal and wasn't quite sure what we were up to and so I tried to approach a friend to ask but she totally ignored me.I'm not invisible!

Then, at lunch, my friends went off to sit somewhere without informing me through text. Great friends I have.

So pretty much, for the entire day, I was the outcast, I was the odd one out, I was the new kid.

So, future self, one piece of advice, don't miss out on school even just for a day, because you might miss out on things like Beyonce'  dancing on the cafeteria table or a cat chasing a dog chasing a person chasing a flying pig.

Okay, that's a little bit exaggerating the situation, but who cares, just don't miss a day of "great" fun at school.


Yours sincerely,
your past self♡

ANGER 101

Dear future self,


Recently, you've been feeling very angry about different things. I know for a fact that you are a perfectionist and you like things to go the way you planned. But I also know that sometimes that's impossible to do. and when it doesn't happen, anger takes over you.

You're angry when you don't workout because you ran out of time, you're angry because you have so many things to do, you're angry that your Mother doesn't get you sometimes but I'm angry because you don't know how to control your anger.

You punch the walls, you grit your teeth so hard it hurts, you hit you head really hard at times, you swear a lot, you yell and you cry whenever you're mad.

You have anger issues and can't control you anger. You try so hard but it you end up getting angrier.

Future self, I have been feeling angry lately, I can't control it.

I want to be able to control my anger.

Anger is useless, it doesn't get the work done!

I hope by now future self you know how to control your anger because I certainly do not.


Yours sincerely,
your past self

Living with a stranger!

Dear future self,


Ever since Mum and Dad (step) separated, Mum has big struggling financial and has been stressing over the bills because it's just her now that's paying everything.

I try to help as much as possible by engaging myself in more chores and doing things for her. Unfortunately, there is not much else I can do until I get a job.

Anyway, she thought of a solution to earn more money or to help with all the payments.

We own a three bedroom house and since only two is occupied, she wants to get a female non-smoker to rent the room so they can share the bills.

The only problem with this is that  a stranger is going to be living in my household. I'm going to be sharing utensils, bathroom, couch, and space with a stranger.

I'm not even comfortable going to the bathroom for #2s in the school public restroom, but now a stranger is going to be living in my house whilst I take a dump. How uncomfortable!

I know these are just minor reasons, but honestly, I don't like the idea at all.

But, I guess as long as it will help us survive then I can try to be okay with it.


Yours sincerely,
    your past self

The Beauty Of Makeup

Dear future self,


Today, you wore makeup for the first time! If you didn't know, people my age these days are wearing makeup everyday, but the thing is, today I finally found out why some people actually like wearing makeup.

It was 6pm and I was too lazy to do anything so I decided to experiment with  the makeup products I have but never really use.

I didn't really know how to put on makeup and which brushed are used for the different products, but hey I'm glad I binged watched beauty gurus because at least my makeup won't be half bad, right?

"So foundation first, then concealer, okay now set it with powder. Not bad. Let's try putting on eyeshadow. Oh man! I look like I have a black eye. Wait, what the hell is a smudge brush. Hm...guess I'll use that to fix my panda eyes. Oh wow! That looks good. Eyeliner? Heck yes. Doesn't look too good. Oh well! Ow. Poked my eye with the mascara brush. Last but not least, lip gloss. Okay, done!"

When I looked at my reflection in the mirror, I felt as though a model was staring back at me.

Obviously, my makeup skill wasn't that great but what was great was the way I felt about myself at that moment on. I felt so beautiful and I couldn't stop looking at myself. Also, that's why I took a million selfies.

Anyway, I've realized the beauty of makeup and why people love it so much.

The thing is, it's not really what other people think of your makeup, but it's about the way it makes you feel when you wear it.

I felt like Cinderella (minus the Prince Charming and the carriage), and I couldn't resist to put a "model" look on my face because that's exactly how I was feeling, like a model.

Future self, today I learnt a bunch of things at school but none of them really stuck to me like how my experience with makeup has.

I felt so gorgeous with my not so good makeup look on and it didn't matter how bad it looked, but just the way it changed me to a different, more beautiful person does.

I know future self, you probably have a job that requires you to wear makeup.And you're probably expert at putting makeup on, but you're past self here is still a baby chick that just hatched into the beauty world. Give me some time to explore this amazing world!


Yours sincerely,
     your past self