Leaving It All Behind Me!

Dear future self,


A lot has happened in the past week, some good, some bad and some just plain weird.

Okay, I guess I should catch you guys up on some things because this week has been a major roller coaster.

On Wednesday, we had Sex Education. You heard me right! The worst part is that our school principal taught the class. Talk about extreme awkwardness!

I'm not very confident in telling you anything that we talked about, but let's just say that  it's something I'll never be comfortable with talking to my Mum about.

Anyway, on the same day, this guy, let's call him Jay, kept staring at me. I used to like him and he knew that but didn't he get the news that I'm over him? Okay, that's false. I like him..sort of...

Basically, he sat across the room from me and our chairs were positioned so we sat opposite of one another. We stared at each other for like  3 seconds sometimes longer for the entire time we had Sex Ed (which was the whole day!)

He's cute now that I think about it....

Then on the same day..still.

I talked back to the teacher. That hasn't ever happened before. I wouldn't say I regretted it, but I certainly do feel guilty.

She told me that I'm never rude like that and she hopes that I don't turn out like the other really bad ass year 10s in my class. What a joke!

Tomorrow, my sister that I secretly can't stand deep down, is coming here. By the way it's the same sister from my "I'm Skinnier than you" post.

Yeah, she's the basic body shaming b*tch.

Sorry for the B bomb, just wanted to make it clear that I don't respect her 100%.

Future self, a lot has happened. I feel like I'm evolving for the better or worse. But let's just keep it all in June and be a completely different respectful person in July.



Yours sincerely,
your past self

"I'm not invisible!"

Dear future self,


You miss one day of school and it's like you don't know anybody anymore and you have no clue what anyone is doing.

On Friday, I faked a sicky because honestly I was just feeling so depressed. Then I came back to school today (Monday) and I felt as though I've jumped into another dimension because nobody was socialising with me and I've no clue of what the heck we're doing in all my subjects.

It's like I've been separated from everyone and I'm the odd one out.

I hate this feeling!

During drama, I missed out on one rehearsal and wasn't quite sure what we were up to and so I tried to approach a friend to ask but she totally ignored me.I'm not invisible!

Then, at lunch, my friends went off to sit somewhere without informing me through text. Great friends I have.

So pretty much, for the entire day, I was the outcast, I was the odd one out, I was the new kid.

So, future self, one piece of advice, don't miss out on school even just for a day, because you might miss out on things like Beyonce'  dancing on the cafeteria table or a cat chasing a dog chasing a person chasing a flying pig.

Okay, that's a little bit exaggerating the situation, but who cares, just don't miss a day of "great" fun at school.


Yours sincerely,
your past self♡

Mr. Perfect

Dear future self,


Okay listen here future self, there's this guy that you've been completely heads over heels with but it never ever worked out between you. For the sake of this anonymous blog, let's call him Mr. Perfect because he really is perfect!

Just to give you a quick recap, I've been liking Mr. Perfect for almost a year now and we did have a thing for a bit last year but sadly he suddenly changed his attitude towards me one day and I hate him for it.

But guess what?

I don't hate him anymore.

Let me tell you why.

Well, firstly it might just be my imagination running wild, but I've noticed over the past few weeks of school, Mr. Perfect has been staring at me and actually paying attention to me.

Like today I caught him looking at me during science and we stared at each other for a good 3 seconds before he looked away. And there are other times where I catch his gaze, which almost kills me because he's eyes are so darn cute and have a nice beautiful shade of brown that makes my heart stop.

I stare at him too.

Who am I kidding, he probably won't be interested in me because a) he has a girl friend b) he only dates popular girls c) he likes girls that know how to play rugby league (clearly not me!) and d) he's dad is against him dating Asians.

But who knows, maybe I'll be with him someday... dream on future self!


Yours sincerely,
     your past self

15 and Single!

Dear future self,

Yeah yeah! I'm single at the moment so what? It's not like I haven't dated anyone before, in fact I've dated 15-16 guys in the past 5 years, but right now, I'm riding solo.

I know that I'm still young and the "right guy" will come one day, but that won't stop me from making a list of reasons why I am single.

Also, side note, I am not dissing myself, I'm just simply listing reasons why I think guys aren't interested in me.


TOP 8 REASONS OF WHY I AM SINGLE.

 
1. I'm ugly.
           -not literally because some say I'm pretty but I'm just not the right pick for anyone because guys only want girls with attractive looking faces like Victoria Secret Models. Stating the obvious, I'm certainly no match for models like Kendall Jenner.

2. I talk weird.
         -my lips aren't straight and when I talk my lips look weird and I can't pronounce words properly or say a sentence without swallowing half of the words.

3. I have a weird walk.
          -I've only actually noticed that my walk was completely different to everyone else. I have a walk like Zendaya and it's so frustrating because it's so hard to walk and when you watch me from the back, I look so weird an gross.

4. I don't have good communication skills.
             -I can't keep a conversation going so I never socialise with a lot of people especially boys.

5. I'm not popular.
           -In high school everything is about popularity. If you're not popular, you're just some kid that nobody cares about. It's so unfair because there's a lot of beautiful unpopular people that doesn't get any attention at all.

6. I have a tan-brown skin.
      -Some guys are just racist and doesn't want to dark skinned girls.

7. I'm Asian - (south-east)
      - High school guys are racist.

8. I'M WEIRD OVERALL.
        -Noticed that I used the word "weird" a lot? Well that's just because I am honestly a really weird person. Like really really weird.



Don't strain yourself into getting into a relationship future self because the one will come by and love you like how Edward Cullen loved Bella Swan.



Yours sincerely,
      your past self

Success is hard.

Dear future self,


Now that you're living a nice successful life (I hope), do you remember the struggles you've overcome to get to where you are now? Do you remember all the impossible goals you've tried to achieve? And, do you remember the disappointment you've felt when you don't reach those goals?

I'm here to tell you that success is such a hard thing to be good at and to achieve.

Since I'm still at school, my kind of success is getting straight excellence, which is the highest grade at my high school.

It's so hard to do that since you have your strengths and weaknesses when it comes to subjects and no matter how hard you study, sometimes the results aren't always good.

I've learnt that the hard way.

Every time I get a Merit (second highest grade), I feel so upset and really angry because a) I've worked my butt off for the test b) I think I've done the best I could and therefore should be rewarded for it. But it doesn't work like that.

In life, it's a mixture of good and bad, and sometimes you just have to endure the bad so you can enjoy the goods.

Although I tell myself that it's okay to get a merit because it's not such a low score, it makes me more angry as  I've trained myself to always get excellence every time.

Anyway, now that I've actually thought about this and understand that success is not a straight path but a path with lots of turns, I have a clear mind of where I'm going to set myself.

So, remember future self, success is possible but you can't always get it because life is unfair and even if you think you deserve success, you need to get over it if you don't get it and work harder next time.


Yours sincerely,
       your future self

I WANT TO BECOME RICH!

Dear future self,

As a young teen, I’ve always talked about how you want to become successful and rich in the future. Well, I hope that by the time you’re reading this, you’re already striving to achieve this very challenging goal. If you’re not, I’m going to tell you more about this desire of mine.

Every time I watch a youtube video or see photos of girls my age and their life, I always ask myself why they were granted an amazing life and be able to afford anything they wanted, whilst I have to get a job just to get new things. I’ve never really gotten over the fact that some people are more blessed that other people in terms of wealth.

I honestly hated that! So, now that I have a long term goal of becoming rich, I am becoming so obsessive.

I feel the need to know exactly what I’m going to pursue for my career to the point where it stresses me. As you know, I have anxiety and thinking about what I’m good at that I can make a living out of, adds to my level of stress.

Okay, it probably doesn’t make sense to you, but let me break it down.

Whenever I think about something that maybe I could make as a career, it discourages me because I lack of talent to do anything let alone make money out off it.  

I have a list of careers I thought I could do like becoming an interior designer, graphic illustrator, author, veterinarian etc. but I suck at it! Therefore, I don’t see the point in trying to do it.

I know I’m only in year 10 and there’s a lot of room for improvement and learning, but if I don’t have the potential to do it in the first place, how would my future career turn out?

Honestly, I’m getting kind of stressed just talking about it. Hahaha.

To wrap this little rant all up, I don’t have any talents!!!

However, I seriously see myself as a creative person, therefore I am giving drawing a chance and so I am practicing my manga drawing skills so I can do something creative with my life.

Yours sincerely,

      Your past self

Why I'm Not Losing Weight.

Dear future self, 

Ever since some time around last year, you've been trying to lose weight and look toned. Well, it's 2016 and you haven't achieved much. Disappointing really! But, hey progress is progress as long as you keep at it. 

Anyway, I'm going to be listing reasons of why you're not progressing much in terms of weight loss.

Also I'll be referring back to this once in a while, not that I don't believe in you, but I have a feeling it's going to be a hard long battle of our fitness journey. Thus, I have a list that can guide you!




LIST OF REASONS WHY YOU HAVEN'T BEEN PROGRESSING...MUCH!


1. You know how you feel regret after eating the whole block of chocolate but yet you continue to eat shit (soz for the use of language but seriously dohh..), well you shouldn't do that because then you'll feel twice the regret!

2. Remember all those lame excuses you use when it's 5pm and it's workout time? Honestly, that's stupid.

3. "I'll do it tomorrow." Ha. What a joke!

4. This is one of the reasons I hate. Okay, so you've eaten one bad thing and instantly you think that you should just eat whatever you want afterwards because you've already eaten ONE unhealthy thing.

5. You're always on a strict diet. Remember you're still young so embrace yourself on food you enjoy as well as being mindful of what you're consuming.

6. You're legit almost always stressed. Calm down. Take a breath, Relax,

7. You're always making impossible goals and give up when you can't achieve it.

MORE SOON!


Yours sincerely,
          past self