Sunday, October 30, 2016

NEW BLOG UPDATE!!

Hey guys!

Here's a little update because my blog address has changed.

Click the link here to check it out!

xo

Thursday, July 28, 2016

NEW BLOG IS HERE

Dear readers,

I finally have my new blog all set up. The link is: dearfutures3lf.wordpress.com

I will not be posting on this blog so make sure you check out my other one:)

Xo,
Leila

Tuesday, July 26, 2016

NEW BLOG!

Dear readers,


I am currently working on a new blog so I will not be posting on this one. The content and the name will remain the same but the blog itself will be different. I might also change to a new blog site. But I will keep you guys updated on that and my new blog site as as soon I finish with it and it's to my liking.

Hope you understand and sorry for any inconvenience.


xo,
leila

Friday, July 22, 2016

The Days I Can't Wait For!

My ukulele I barely play and some flowers I'm not sure of.

Dear future self,


I lay in my bed most mornings not wanting to get up. I wasn't ill nor was I tired but I just felt like snuggling under my blanket not wanting to step foot on the carpet of my room.

Depressed. You can call it being depressed but I call it lack of motivation or no motivation.

I didn't have any motivation left in to me get up and do things I want to do.

It was hard for me because I kept questioning myself whether my life is worth living or am I good enough to live this life.

I hated the feeling.

But, as I was washing the laundry, a sudden strike of happiness hit me right in the heart.

For some reason I was happy because the new sketchbook and backpack I bought online was being shipped to me and my auntie is coming here from Singapore in December.

As weird as it is, those were my motivation to keep doing what I want to do every single day.

That's when I realised that it's those simple little things that motivate us to do what we do and to keep us on our feet. Sometimes, it's not a person or a diamond ring that can cheer us up, but it's those that really matter to us that we keep striving forward.

Future self, let us not forget that motivation comes from what we want to achieve and what we want to see with those achievements that we live everyday for.

It's those moment that we can't wait for that motivates us to leap over the obstacles and get where we want ourselves to be.

Even if it's miles away, we will get there no matter what.


Yours sincerely,
your past self





Tuesday, July 19, 2016

Bold - Artwork - Digital Illustration




Dear readers,


Today I found an inspiration from a photo I came across and thought, "why not make my own version of it.?" And so I did. 

I named this artwork "BOLD" because as you can see, she is wearing black lipstick and the colour black represents strength, seriousness, power and authority which is an easier way to say "bold". 

The colour of her hair also screams bold because not many people would dare to try pink hair as it is risky and only some can pull it off. 

I was planning on furthering my skills by using shading techinique, however I still need to work on my shading so I left it out of this one. 

But I'm be sure to include shading on my future artwork.

I'd be grateful if you could comment down below any advice for me so that I can improve my drawings and illustrations. 


xo,
leila




Sunday, July 17, 2016

The Living Room - Digital illustration



Dear readers,

This is my first ever digital mastepiece I made using Microsoft paint. I really love how it turned out. I named it living room because to me it looked like something that you've have in a living room space.

I hope you like my first artwork.

It would be awesome if you leave a feedback or any advice in the comments below. 

More artwork coming soon!


xo,
leila










By Any Other Name by Laura Jarratt - Book Review

BY ANY OTHER NAME - by laura jarratt


   "Being the new girl at school is hard. But when you've been forced to abandon your old life, your old friends and even your old identity, hard doesn't begin to cover it.

   That's the point of witness protection, thoug. And it's the only thing that can keep Holly and her family safe. But how is she supposed to start a new life when one wrong move could put all their lives in danger?"

GENRE: young adult fiction, romance, mystery


REVIEW:

Plot

The main idea of the story was focused on Holly Latham. Her family along with her autistic sister, Katie, was placed in a witness protection programme. It focuses on Holly's new life and new friends along with her boyfriend which she hated at first. The plot was very good but I wished they stressed it more. It was very easy to follow the plot but I felt as though it was flat and could of been built up more. In saying that, there were lots of excitement and suspends along with romance.

Characters

There were some interesting characters that you'd grow to love and hate at the same time. All the characters had something unique about them and I was specifically intrigued by Joe , Holly's destined boyfriend. because he had a lot of different personalities and said a lot of weird yet fasinating things. The main character was very lovable and easy to relate to.

Personal Response:

Overall, I absolutely love this book. The romance between Holly and Joe was very believeable and it made my heart beat. The story was somehow relaxing but with a bit of suspends and mystery as well. I really enjoyed reading it and I felt uneasy when I read the last chapter.

Rating

It's definitely a must read book for those into romance and bit of action and mystery. I rate it a 5/5.




Thursday, July 14, 2016

First (alcohol) Party!

Dear future self,


Loud music, loud voices, laughters, alcohol in hand, food on the table, parties gone horribly.. fun!

Last night I've experienced what it was like to be in an actual party. The room was filled with people way beyond my age including my sister but yet I fitted in.

It really opened my curiosity about drinking alcohol and going out to parties more often and hanging out with guys in their 20s. Don't worry though, I didn't drink and my sister took care of me.

Even so, I could not hold in my desire to take a shot and act wasted so being stupid is acceptable. After learning about what alcohol does to your body at school, I thought that there was no way I'll ever want to drink.

But...

I wanted to, I wanted to taste the bitter sensation of the alcohol in my mouth.

This is just part of growing up, right?

Spin the bottle was fun too. I kissed two guys on their cheeks.

I enjoyed truth or dare. A lot of kissing I'd say.

A 21 year old guy was flirting with me during the party. Not interested sorry.

Future self, I think by now you're already used to the feel of parties but don't get too wild.


Yours sincerely,
your past self

Tuesday, July 12, 2016

It's like whatever...

Dear future self,

Is it possible to like someone that you hate at the same time? Or like someone whom you know nothing about except for how much of a rude jerk they are, the colour of their eyes and the brand of underwear they wear?

The answer is a big fat YES!

For now let's call him Bad-boy (bb for short). Anyway, so apart from Mr.Perfect who I've sorta lose interest in, Bb is another guy I've recently became fond of.

He sits in front of me in the only subject we have together, maths.

I like the view of his back side and as I stare at his haircut that is shaved halfway with hair flopping to the side of his face, I become more affectionate towards him.

Once, he was swinging on his chair and gave me a glimpse of the brand of underwear he  wears (weird I know but hey its love).

Apart from knowing that he's a rude jerk towards the teachers but still quite good at maths, he is a complete stranger to me.

But even so, I fell in love with him.

Should I be worried?

Oh well, nothing will happen between us because we've never talked and I doubt he even knows that I exist.

I don't even know his last name so there's no way of stalking him.

Bur it's like whatever.


Yours sincerely
    Your past self

Thursday, June 30, 2016

Leaving It All Behind Me!

Dear future self,


A lot has happened in the past week, some good, some bad and some just plain weird.

Okay, I guess I should catch you guys up on some things because this week has been a major roller coaster.

On Wednesday, we had Sex Education. You heard me right! The worst part is that our school principal taught the class. Talk about extreme awkwardness!

I'm not very confident in telling you anything that we talked about, but let's just say that  it's something I'll never be comfortable with talking to my Mum about.

Anyway, on the same day, this guy, let's call him Jay, kept staring at me. I used to like him and he knew that but didn't he get the news that I'm over him? Okay, that's false. I like him..sort of...

Basically, he sat across the room from me and our chairs were positioned so we sat opposite of one another. We stared at each other for like  3 seconds sometimes longer for the entire time we had Sex Ed (which was the whole day!)

He's cute now that I think about it....

Then on the same day..still.

I talked back to the teacher. That hasn't ever happened before. I wouldn't say I regretted it, but I certainly do feel guilty.

She told me that I'm never rude like that and she hopes that I don't turn out like the other really bad ass year 10s in my class. What a joke!

Tomorrow, my sister that I secretly can't stand deep down, is coming here. By the way it's the same sister from my "I'm Skinnier than you" post.

Yeah, she's the basic body shaming b*tch.

Sorry for the B bomb, just wanted to make it clear that I don't respect her 100%.

Future self, a lot has happened. I feel like I'm evolving for the better or worse. But let's just keep it all in June and be a completely different respectful person in July.



Yours sincerely,
your past self

Monday, June 27, 2016

"I'm not invisible!"

Dear future self,


You miss one day of school and it's like you don't know anybody anymore and you have no clue what anyone is doing.

On Friday, I faked a sicky because honestly I was just feeling so depressed. Then I came back to school today (Monday) and I felt as though I've jumped into another dimension because nobody was socialising with me and I've no clue of what the heck we're doing in all my subjects.

It's like I've been separated from everyone and I'm the odd one out.

I hate this feeling!

During drama, I missed out on one rehearsal and wasn't quite sure what we were up to and so I tried to approach a friend to ask but she totally ignored me.I'm not invisible!

Then, at lunch, my friends went off to sit somewhere without informing me through text. Great friends I have.

So pretty much, for the entire day, I was the outcast, I was the odd one out, I was the new kid.

So, future self, one piece of advice, don't miss out on school even just for a day, because you might miss out on things like Beyonce'  dancing on the cafeteria table or a cat chasing a dog chasing a person chasing a flying pig.

Okay, that's a little bit exaggerating the situation, but who cares, just don't miss a day of "great" fun at school.


Yours sincerely,
your past self♡


Thursday, June 23, 2016

ANGER 101

Dear future self,


Recently, you've been feeling very angry about different things. I know for a fact that you are a perfectionist and you like things to go the way you planned. But I also know that sometimes that's impossible to do. and when it doesn't happen, anger takes over you.

You're angry when you don't workout because you ran out of time, you're angry because you have so many things to do, you're angry that your Mother doesn't get you sometimes but I'm angry because you don't know how to control your anger.

You punch the walls, you grit your teeth so hard it hurts, you hit you head really hard at times, you swear a lot, you yell and you cry whenever you're mad.

You have anger issues and can't control you anger. You try so hard but it you end up getting angrier.

Future self, I have been feeling angry lately, I can't control it.

I want to be able to control my anger.

Anger is useless, it doesn't get the work done!

I hope by now future self you know how to control your anger because I certainly do not.


Yours sincerely,
your past self

Monday, June 20, 2016

Living with a stranger!

Dear future self,


Ever since Mum and Dad (step) separated, Mum has big struggling financial and has been stressing over the bills because it's just her now that's paying everything.

I try to help as much as possible by engaging myself in more chores and doing things for her. Unfortunately, there is not much else I can do until I get a job.

Anyway, she thought of a solution to earn more money or to help with all the payments.

We own a three bedroom house and since only two is occupied, she wants to get a female non-smoker to rent the room so they can share the bills.

The only problem with this is that  a stranger is going to be living in my household. I'm going to be sharing utensils, bathroom, couch, and space with a stranger.

I'm not even comfortable going to the bathroom for #2s in the school public restroom, but now a stranger is going to be living in my house whilst I take a dump. How uncomfortable!

I know these are just minor reasons, but honestly, I don't like the idea at all.

But, I guess as long as it will help us survive then I can try to be okay with it.


Yours sincerely,
    your past self

Thursday, June 16, 2016

Dear future self,


I think I finally know where my future is headed. This is a sentence I never knew would come out of my mouth for not until years. But, remember this day tha you decided you wanted to become  a manga artist.

If you are a manga artist right now, then I deserve a "thank you" for getting you there. If you're not manga artist then just listen to why I got inspired to become a manga artist.

It was during social studies when we were talking about Japan as we are currently studying the Asian Giants. My social studies teacher lived in Japan for some time and she talked about her experience there.

My inspiration was shining so bright because Japan sounded so beautiful and an amazing place to live in.

At home, I was already learning how to draw manga, though I'm not really only it as I would've liked. However, today I suddenly felt so excited to be able to come home and draw on my sketchbook.

I want to move to Japan one day, especially Osaka or Tokyo, and get my manga published in a magazine.




Her Vision by Leila - Original story

     ****            ****           ****            ****            ****           ****           ****              ****          


I was just like everybody else, but I've seen things nobody is can see. Ever since two months ago, I've been seeing a strange boy outside the classroom, just standing there. I can't see his face because he's always hiding behind his hood. But, who knew that this was the last day of my life, normal life that is.
"Rochelle! What's the answer on the board?" Mr. Towers looked at me displeasingly as I have paying attention at the boy outside, instead of figuring the maths equation on the board. "I don't know."
"You don't know? That's right you don't because you've been staring at the trees outside for the whole period. "Trees? There's a boy outside." I point to the window where the boy was standing.
"Boy? I see. So you've been day dreaming about your little crush have you?" Mr. Towers was so angry I could see his horns popping out from the sides of his head. "There's a boy outside, starring at me. He's been there since last week. I'm being stalked," before I could say more, tears were springing from my eye. "Rochelle, pack your bags and leave the classroom. I will not accept stupid excuses for not paying attention in my class," I didn't need to be told that, I grabbed my things and rushed out of the classroom.


Entry 1 - Private

Dear future self,


Yesterday. I was eating lunch with my friends in R4 when Jesper came up to me and borrowed my maths book. I was shocked at first because a) he actually talked to m b) why ask me? c) how did he know where I was?

He didn't do his maths homework that we were given but why did he ask me when he has friends in our maths class?

I think a sensible reason would be than, since he knows I like him (not anymore though), he thinks that I would definitely let him use my book. But I think he was dared to do it.

I doubted giving him my book at first.

Don't worry, he didn't write anything inappropriate in it.


Yours sincerely,
your past self

Tuesday, June 14, 2016

The Beauty Of Makeup

Dear future self,


Today, you wore makeup for the first time! If you didn't know, people my age these days are wearing makeup everyday, but the thing is, today I finally found out why some people actually like wearing makeup.

It was 6pm and I was too lazy to do anything so I decided to experiment with  the makeup products I have but never really use.

I didn't really know how to put on makeup and which brushed are used for the different products, but hey I'm glad I binged watched beauty gurus because at least my makeup won't be half bad, right?

"So foundation first, then concealer, okay now set it with powder. Not bad. Let's try putting on eyeshadow. Oh man! I look like I have a black eye. Wait, what the hell is a smudge brush. Hm...guess I'll use that to fix my panda eyes. Oh wow! That looks good. Eyeliner? Heck yes. Doesn't look too good. Oh well! Ow. Poked my eye with the mascara brush. Last but not least, lip gloss. Okay, done!"

When I looked at my reflection in the mirror, I felt as though a model was staring back at me.

Obviously, my makeup skill wasn't that great but what was great was the way I felt about myself at that moment on. I felt so beautiful and I couldn't stop looking at myself. Also, that's why I took a million selfies.

Anyway, I've realized the beauty of makeup and why people love it so much.

The thing is, it's not really what other people think of your makeup, but it's about the way it makes you feel when you wear it.

I felt like Cinderella (minus the Prince Charming and the carriage), and I couldn't resist to put a "model" look on my face because that's exactly how I was feeling, like a model.

Future self, today I learnt a bunch of things at school but none of them really stuck to me like how my experience with makeup has.

I felt so gorgeous with my not so good makeup look on and it didn't matter how bad it looked, but just the way it changed me to a different, more beautiful person does.

I know future self, you probably have a job that requires you to wear makeup.And you're probably expert at putting makeup on, but you're past self here is still a baby chick that just hatched into the beauty world. Give me some time to explore this amazing world!


Yours sincerely,
     your past self


Sunday, June 12, 2016

"'I'm skinnier than you!"

Dear future self,


Future self, this society is honestly the weirdest generation ever. Body shaming is so common nowadays since most of the well-known celebrities are promoting tone defined skinny bodies.

Anyway what I'm going to be talking to you about today is similar to that.

On Saturday, we travelled to Christchurch to meet up with my step-dad and two older sisters.

My eldest sister is 20 years old and when she was around my age, she was fat!

Ever since she moved out of the house in 2014, she started losing weight and became skinny because she hardly eats, she says.

Nowadays, she is skinnier than me by a bit and every time I'm with her and my other sibling, the topic is about weight, like "oh Leila, you're so fat?" "have you lost any weight now that you're vegetarian?" etc.

I hate being with them sometimes because it was there fault that I am so self-conscious about my weight although according to the internet and my classmates, my weight is a healthy weight for my age.

Even so, my sisters always mentions my weight just because they're skinnier than me by about 2-3 kilos.

I admit, they are skinny but fit? I don't think so. My body type is mesomorph and it is easy for me to build muscle so out of the three of us, I am more fit.

Also, not to mention that when my eldest sister was 15 she was a lot fatter than I am.

But that doesn't stop her from saying things like, "I'm skinnier than you."

Which brings me to shame and also upsets me a lot because a) I'm actually trying to lose weight b) I have lost weight and I feel better about my body c) why the f*ck are you talking about my weight?

I love them and all but sometimes I wish they could just leave me alone.

Well future self, how do you feel about your body right now? Happy? Sad? Are you being teased or praised about it?


Yours sincerely,
      your past self



Friday, June 10, 2016

Mr. Perfect

Dear future self,


Okay listen here future self, there's this guy that you've been completely heads over heels with but it never ever worked out between you. For the sake of this anonymous blog, let's call him Mr. Perfect because he really is perfect!

Just to give you a quick recap, I've been liking Mr. Perfect for almost a year now and we did have a thing for a bit last year but sadly he suddenly changed his attitude towards me one day and I hate him for it.

But guess what?

I don't hate him anymore.

Let me tell you why.

Well, firstly it might just be my imagination running wild, but I've noticed over the past few weeks of school, Mr. Perfect has been staring at me and actually paying attention to me.

Like today I caught him looking at me during science and we stared at each other for a good 3 seconds before he looked away. And there are other times where I catch his gaze, which almost kills me because he's eyes are so darn cute and have a nice beautiful shade of brown that makes my heart stop.

I stare at him too.

Who am I kidding, he probably won't be interested in me because a) he has a girl friend b) he only dates popular girls c) he likes girls that know how to play rugby league (clearly not me!) and d) he's dad is against him dating Asians.

But who knows, maybe I'll be with him someday... dream on future self!


Yours sincerely,
     your past self

Thursday, June 09, 2016

15 and Single!

Dear future self,

Yeah yeah! I'm single at the moment so what? It's not like I haven't dated anyone before, in fact I've dated 15-16 guys in the past 5 years, but right now, I'm riding solo.

I know that I'm still young and the "right guy" will come one day, but that won't stop me from making a list of reasons why I am single.

Also, side note, I am not dissing myself, I'm just simply listing reasons why I think guys aren't interested in me.


TOP 8 REASONS OF WHY I AM SINGLE.

 
1. I'm ugly.
           -not literally because some say I'm pretty but I'm just not the right pick for anyone because guys only want girls with attractive looking faces like Victoria Secret Models. Stating the obvious, I'm certainly no match for models like Kendall Jenner.

2. I talk weird.
         -my lips aren't straight and when I talk my lips look weird and I can't pronounce words properly or say a sentence without swallowing half of the words.

3. I have a weird walk.
          -I've only actually noticed that my walk was completely different to everyone else. I have a walk like Zendaya and it's so frustrating because it's so hard to walk and when you watch me from the back, I look so weird an gross.

4. I don't have good communication skills.
             -I can't keep a conversation going so I never socialise with a lot of people especially boys.

5. I'm not popular.
           -In high school everything is about popularity. If you're not popular, you're just some kid that nobody cares about. It's so unfair because there's a lot of beautiful unpopular people that doesn't get any attention at all.

6. I have a tan-brown skin.
      -Some guys are just racist and doesn't want to dark skinned girls.

7. I'm Asian - (south-east)
      - High school guys are racist.

8. I'M WEIRD OVERALL.
        -Noticed that I used the word "weird" a lot? Well that's just because I am honestly a really weird person. Like really really weird.



Don't strain yourself into getting into a relationship future self because the one will come by and love you like how Edward Cullen loved Bella Swan.



Yours sincerely,
      your past self

Tuesday, June 07, 2016

Success is hard.

Dear future self,


Now that you're living a nice successful life (I hope), do you remember the struggles you've overcome to get to where you are now? Do you remember all the impossible goals you've tried to achieve? And, do you remember the disappointment you've felt when you don't reach those goals?

I'm here to tell you that success is such a hard thing to be good at and to achieve.

Since I'm still at school, my kind of success is getting straight excellence, which is the highest grade at my high school.

It's so hard to do that since you have your strengths and weaknesses when it comes to subjects and no matter how hard you study, sometimes the results aren't always good.

I've learnt that the hard way.

Every time I get a Merit (second highest grade), I feel so upset and really angry because a) I've worked my butt off for the test b) I think I've done the best I could and therefore should be rewarded for it. But it doesn't work like that.

In life, it's a mixture of good and bad, and sometimes you just have to endure the bad so you can enjoy the goods.

Although I tell myself that it's okay to get a merit because it's not such a low score, it makes me more angry as  I've trained myself to always get excellence every time.

Anyway, now that I've actually thought about this and understand that success is not a straight path but a path with lots of turns, I have a clear mind of where I'm going to set myself.

So, remember future self, success is possible but you can't always get it because life is unfair and even if you think you deserve success, you need to get over it if you don't get it and work harder next time.


Yours sincerely,
       your future self


Sunday, June 05, 2016

I WANT TO BECOME RICH!




Dear future self,

As a young teen, I’ve always talked about how you want to become successful and rich in the future. Well, I hope that by the time you’re reading this, you’re already striving to achieve this very challenging goal. If you’re not, I’m going to tell you more about this desire of mine.

Every time I watch a youtube video or see photos of girls my age and their life, I always ask myself why they were granted an amazing life and be able to afford anything they wanted, whilst I have to get a job just to get new things. I’ve never really gotten over the fact that some people are more blessed that other people in terms of wealth.

I honestly hated that! So, now that I have a long term goal of becoming rich, I am becoming so obsessive.

I feel the need to know exactly what I’m going to pursue for my career to the point where it stresses me. As you know, I have anxiety and thinking about what I’m good at that I can make a living out of, adds to my level of stress.

Okay, it probably doesn’t make sense to you, but let me break it down.

Whenever I think about something that maybe I could make as a career, it discourages me because I lack of talent to do anything let alone make money out off it.  

I have a list of careers I thought I could do like becoming an interior designer, graphic illustrator, author, veterinarian etc. but I suck at it! Therefore, I don’t see the point in trying to do it.

I know I’m only in year 10 and there’s a lot of room for improvement and learning, but if I don’t have the potential to do it in the first place, how would my future career turn out?

Honestly, I’m getting kind of stressed just talking about it. Hahaha.

To wrap this little rant all up, I don’t have any talents!!!

However, I seriously see myself as a creative person, therefore I am giving drawing a chance and so I am practicing my manga drawing skills so I can do something creative with my life.


Yours sincerely,

      Your past self

Saturday, June 04, 2016

Why I'm Not Losing Weight.

Dear future self, 


Ever since some time around last year, you've been trying to lose weight and look toned. Well, it's 2016 and you haven't achieved much. Disappointing really! But, hey progress is progress as long as you keep at it. 


Anyway, I'm going to be listing reasons of why you're not progressing much in terms of weight loss.

Also I'll be referring back to this once in a while, not that I don't believe in you, but I have a feeling it's going to be a hard long battle of our fitness journey. Thus, I have a list that can guide you!




LIST OF REASONS WHY YOU HAVEN'T BEEN PROGRESSING...MUCH!


1. You know how you feel regret after eating the whole block of chocolate but yet you continue to eat shit (soz for the use of language but seriously dohh..), well you shouldn't do that because then you'll feel twice the regret!

2. Remember all those lame excuses you use when it's 5pm and it's workout time? Honestly, that's stupid.

3. "I'll do it tomorrow." Ha. What a joke!

4. This is one of the reasons I hate. Okay, so you've eaten one bad thing and instantly you think that you should just eat whatever you want afterwards because you've already eaten ONE unhealthy thing.

5. You're always on a strict diet. Remember you're still young so embrace yourself on food you enjoy as well as being mindful of what you're consuming.

6. You're legit almost always stressed. Calm down. Take a breath, Relax,

7. You're always making impossible goals and give up when you can't achieve it.

MORE SOON!


Yours sincerely,
          past self
   

Tuesday, May 31, 2016

About Me and My Blog

Dear readers,


You're probably new to my blog so i'm going to start off by saying, nice to meet you stranger! My blog is completely anonymous so for now call me Leila.

I don't have a lot to say about myself except for that I adore my four cats and my dog. I like to play on my ukulele and hunt for any new books I can read. Drawing is also something I quite enjoy doing.

Now about my blog. 

My blog is a reflection of who I am and my teeange experiences. I like to keep memories and be able to look back in time so I write my posts in a letter format to my future self.

Other times, I also post my artworks, book reviews and just anything else that comes in mind. 

I hope you stick around and no longer become a stranger but a friend ;)


xo,
Leila


Wednesday, December 21, 2016

Sunday, October 30, 2016

NEW BLOG UPDATE!!

Hey guys!

Here's a little update because my blog address has changed.

Click the link here to check it out!

xo

Thursday, July 28, 2016

NEW BLOG IS HERE

Dear readers,

I finally have my new blog all set up. The link is: dearfutures3lf.wordpress.com

I will not be posting on this blog so make sure you check out my other one:)

Xo,
Leila

Tuesday, July 26, 2016

NEW BLOG!

Dear readers,


I am currently working on a new blog so I will not be posting on this one. The content and the name will remain the same but the blog itself will be different. I might also change to a new blog site. But I will keep you guys updated on that and my new blog site as as soon I finish with it and it's to my liking.

Hope you understand and sorry for any inconvenience.


xo,
leila

Friday, July 22, 2016

The Days I Can't Wait For!

My ukulele I barely play and some flowers I'm not sure of.

Dear future self,


I lay in my bed most mornings not wanting to get up. I wasn't ill nor was I tired but I just felt like snuggling under my blanket not wanting to step foot on the carpet of my room.

Depressed. You can call it being depressed but I call it lack of motivation or no motivation.

I didn't have any motivation left in to me get up and do things I want to do.

It was hard for me because I kept questioning myself whether my life is worth living or am I good enough to live this life.

I hated the feeling.

But, as I was washing the laundry, a sudden strike of happiness hit me right in the heart.

For some reason I was happy because the new sketchbook and backpack I bought online was being shipped to me and my auntie is coming here from Singapore in December.

As weird as it is, those were my motivation to keep doing what I want to do every single day.

That's when I realised that it's those simple little things that motivate us to do what we do and to keep us on our feet. Sometimes, it's not a person or a diamond ring that can cheer us up, but it's those that really matter to us that we keep striving forward.

Future self, let us not forget that motivation comes from what we want to achieve and what we want to see with those achievements that we live everyday for.

It's those moment that we can't wait for that motivates us to leap over the obstacles and get where we want ourselves to be.

Even if it's miles away, we will get there no matter what.


Yours sincerely,
your past self





Tuesday, July 19, 2016

Bold - Artwork - Digital Illustration




Dear readers,


Today I found an inspiration from a photo I came across and thought, "why not make my own version of it.?" And so I did. 

I named this artwork "BOLD" because as you can see, she is wearing black lipstick and the colour black represents strength, seriousness, power and authority which is an easier way to say "bold". 

The colour of her hair also screams bold because not many people would dare to try pink hair as it is risky and only some can pull it off. 

I was planning on furthering my skills by using shading techinique, however I still need to work on my shading so I left it out of this one. 

But I'm be sure to include shading on my future artwork.

I'd be grateful if you could comment down below any advice for me so that I can improve my drawings and illustrations. 


xo,
leila




Sunday, July 17, 2016

The Living Room - Digital illustration



Dear readers,

This is my first ever digital mastepiece I made using Microsoft paint. I really love how it turned out. I named it living room because to me it looked like something that you've have in a living room space.

I hope you like my first artwork.

It would be awesome if you leave a feedback or any advice in the comments below. 

More artwork coming soon!


xo,
leila










By Any Other Name by Laura Jarratt - Book Review

BY ANY OTHER NAME - by laura jarratt


   "Being the new girl at school is hard. But when you've been forced to abandon your old life, your old friends and even your old identity, hard doesn't begin to cover it.

   That's the point of witness protection, thoug. And it's the only thing that can keep Holly and her family safe. But how is she supposed to start a new life when one wrong move could put all their lives in danger?"

GENRE: young adult fiction, romance, mystery


REVIEW:

Plot

The main idea of the story was focused on Holly Latham. Her family along with her autistic sister, Katie, was placed in a witness protection programme. It focuses on Holly's new life and new friends along with her boyfriend which she hated at first. The plot was very good but I wished they stressed it more. It was very easy to follow the plot but I felt as though it was flat and could of been built up more. In saying that, there were lots of excitement and suspends along with romance.

Characters

There were some interesting characters that you'd grow to love and hate at the same time. All the characters had something unique about them and I was specifically intrigued by Joe , Holly's destined boyfriend. because he had a lot of different personalities and said a lot of weird yet fasinating things. The main character was very lovable and easy to relate to.

Personal Response:

Overall, I absolutely love this book. The romance between Holly and Joe was very believeable and it made my heart beat. The story was somehow relaxing but with a bit of suspends and mystery as well. I really enjoyed reading it and I felt uneasy when I read the last chapter.

Rating

It's definitely a must read book for those into romance and bit of action and mystery. I rate it a 5/5.




Thursday, July 14, 2016

First (alcohol) Party!

Dear future self,


Loud music, loud voices, laughters, alcohol in hand, food on the table, parties gone horribly.. fun!

Last night I've experienced what it was like to be in an actual party. The room was filled with people way beyond my age including my sister but yet I fitted in.

It really opened my curiosity about drinking alcohol and going out to parties more often and hanging out with guys in their 20s. Don't worry though, I didn't drink and my sister took care of me.

Even so, I could not hold in my desire to take a shot and act wasted so being stupid is acceptable. After learning about what alcohol does to your body at school, I thought that there was no way I'll ever want to drink.

But...

I wanted to, I wanted to taste the bitter sensation of the alcohol in my mouth.

This is just part of growing up, right?

Spin the bottle was fun too. I kissed two guys on their cheeks.

I enjoyed truth or dare. A lot of kissing I'd say.

A 21 year old guy was flirting with me during the party. Not interested sorry.

Future self, I think by now you're already used to the feel of parties but don't get too wild.


Yours sincerely,
your past self

Tuesday, July 12, 2016

It's like whatever...

Dear future self,

Is it possible to like someone that you hate at the same time? Or like someone whom you know nothing about except for how much of a rude jerk they are, the colour of their eyes and the brand of underwear they wear?

The answer is a big fat YES!

For now let's call him Bad-boy (bb for short). Anyway, so apart from Mr.Perfect who I've sorta lose interest in, Bb is another guy I've recently became fond of.

He sits in front of me in the only subject we have together, maths.

I like the view of his back side and as I stare at his haircut that is shaved halfway with hair flopping to the side of his face, I become more affectionate towards him.

Once, he was swinging on his chair and gave me a glimpse of the brand of underwear he  wears (weird I know but hey its love).

Apart from knowing that he's a rude jerk towards the teachers but still quite good at maths, he is a complete stranger to me.

But even so, I fell in love with him.

Should I be worried?

Oh well, nothing will happen between us because we've never talked and I doubt he even knows that I exist.

I don't even know his last name so there's no way of stalking him.

Bur it's like whatever.


Yours sincerely
    Your past self

Thursday, June 30, 2016

Leaving It All Behind Me!

Dear future self,


A lot has happened in the past week, some good, some bad and some just plain weird.

Okay, I guess I should catch you guys up on some things because this week has been a major roller coaster.

On Wednesday, we had Sex Education. You heard me right! The worst part is that our school principal taught the class. Talk about extreme awkwardness!

I'm not very confident in telling you anything that we talked about, but let's just say that  it's something I'll never be comfortable with talking to my Mum about.

Anyway, on the same day, this guy, let's call him Jay, kept staring at me. I used to like him and he knew that but didn't he get the news that I'm over him? Okay, that's false. I like him..sort of...

Basically, he sat across the room from me and our chairs were positioned so we sat opposite of one another. We stared at each other for like  3 seconds sometimes longer for the entire time we had Sex Ed (which was the whole day!)

He's cute now that I think about it....

Then on the same day..still.

I talked back to the teacher. That hasn't ever happened before. I wouldn't say I regretted it, but I certainly do feel guilty.

She told me that I'm never rude like that and she hopes that I don't turn out like the other really bad ass year 10s in my class. What a joke!

Tomorrow, my sister that I secretly can't stand deep down, is coming here. By the way it's the same sister from my "I'm Skinnier than you" post.

Yeah, she's the basic body shaming b*tch.

Sorry for the B bomb, just wanted to make it clear that I don't respect her 100%.

Future self, a lot has happened. I feel like I'm evolving for the better or worse. But let's just keep it all in June and be a completely different respectful person in July.



Yours sincerely,
your past self

Monday, June 27, 2016

"I'm not invisible!"

Dear future self,


You miss one day of school and it's like you don't know anybody anymore and you have no clue what anyone is doing.

On Friday, I faked a sicky because honestly I was just feeling so depressed. Then I came back to school today (Monday) and I felt as though I've jumped into another dimension because nobody was socialising with me and I've no clue of what the heck we're doing in all my subjects.

It's like I've been separated from everyone and I'm the odd one out.

I hate this feeling!

During drama, I missed out on one rehearsal and wasn't quite sure what we were up to and so I tried to approach a friend to ask but she totally ignored me.I'm not invisible!

Then, at lunch, my friends went off to sit somewhere without informing me through text. Great friends I have.

So pretty much, for the entire day, I was the outcast, I was the odd one out, I was the new kid.

So, future self, one piece of advice, don't miss out on school even just for a day, because you might miss out on things like Beyonce'  dancing on the cafeteria table or a cat chasing a dog chasing a person chasing a flying pig.

Okay, that's a little bit exaggerating the situation, but who cares, just don't miss a day of "great" fun at school.


Yours sincerely,
your past self♡


Thursday, June 23, 2016

ANGER 101

Dear future self,


Recently, you've been feeling very angry about different things. I know for a fact that you are a perfectionist and you like things to go the way you planned. But I also know that sometimes that's impossible to do. and when it doesn't happen, anger takes over you.

You're angry when you don't workout because you ran out of time, you're angry because you have so many things to do, you're angry that your Mother doesn't get you sometimes but I'm angry because you don't know how to control your anger.

You punch the walls, you grit your teeth so hard it hurts, you hit you head really hard at times, you swear a lot, you yell and you cry whenever you're mad.

You have anger issues and can't control you anger. You try so hard but it you end up getting angrier.

Future self, I have been feeling angry lately, I can't control it.

I want to be able to control my anger.

Anger is useless, it doesn't get the work done!

I hope by now future self you know how to control your anger because I certainly do not.


Yours sincerely,
your past self

Monday, June 20, 2016

Living with a stranger!

Dear future self,


Ever since Mum and Dad (step) separated, Mum has big struggling financial and has been stressing over the bills because it's just her now that's paying everything.

I try to help as much as possible by engaging myself in more chores and doing things for her. Unfortunately, there is not much else I can do until I get a job.

Anyway, she thought of a solution to earn more money or to help with all the payments.

We own a three bedroom house and since only two is occupied, she wants to get a female non-smoker to rent the room so they can share the bills.

The only problem with this is that  a stranger is going to be living in my household. I'm going to be sharing utensils, bathroom, couch, and space with a stranger.

I'm not even comfortable going to the bathroom for #2s in the school public restroom, but now a stranger is going to be living in my house whilst I take a dump. How uncomfortable!

I know these are just minor reasons, but honestly, I don't like the idea at all.

But, I guess as long as it will help us survive then I can try to be okay with it.


Yours sincerely,
    your past self

Thursday, June 16, 2016

Dear future self,


I think I finally know where my future is headed. This is a sentence I never knew would come out of my mouth for not until years. But, remember this day tha you decided you wanted to become  a manga artist.

If you are a manga artist right now, then I deserve a "thank you" for getting you there. If you're not manga artist then just listen to why I got inspired to become a manga artist.

It was during social studies when we were talking about Japan as we are currently studying the Asian Giants. My social studies teacher lived in Japan for some time and she talked about her experience there.

My inspiration was shining so bright because Japan sounded so beautiful and an amazing place to live in.

At home, I was already learning how to draw manga, though I'm not really only it as I would've liked. However, today I suddenly felt so excited to be able to come home and draw on my sketchbook.

I want to move to Japan one day, especially Osaka or Tokyo, and get my manga published in a magazine.




Her Vision by Leila - Original story

     ****            ****           ****            ****            ****           ****           ****              ****          


I was just like everybody else, but I've seen things nobody is can see. Ever since two months ago, I've been seeing a strange boy outside the classroom, just standing there. I can't see his face because he's always hiding behind his hood. But, who knew that this was the last day of my life, normal life that is.
"Rochelle! What's the answer on the board?" Mr. Towers looked at me displeasingly as I have paying attention at the boy outside, instead of figuring the maths equation on the board. "I don't know."
"You don't know? That's right you don't because you've been staring at the trees outside for the whole period. "Trees? There's a boy outside." I point to the window where the boy was standing.
"Boy? I see. So you've been day dreaming about your little crush have you?" Mr. Towers was so angry I could see his horns popping out from the sides of his head. "There's a boy outside, starring at me. He's been there since last week. I'm being stalked," before I could say more, tears were springing from my eye. "Rochelle, pack your bags and leave the classroom. I will not accept stupid excuses for not paying attention in my class," I didn't need to be told that, I grabbed my things and rushed out of the classroom.


Entry 1 - Private

Dear future self,


Yesterday. I was eating lunch with my friends in R4 when Jesper came up to me and borrowed my maths book. I was shocked at first because a) he actually talked to m b) why ask me? c) how did he know where I was?

He didn't do his maths homework that we were given but why did he ask me when he has friends in our maths class?

I think a sensible reason would be than, since he knows I like him (not anymore though), he thinks that I would definitely let him use my book. But I think he was dared to do it.

I doubted giving him my book at first.

Don't worry, he didn't write anything inappropriate in it.


Yours sincerely,
your past self

Tuesday, June 14, 2016

The Beauty Of Makeup

Dear future self,


Today, you wore makeup for the first time! If you didn't know, people my age these days are wearing makeup everyday, but the thing is, today I finally found out why some people actually like wearing makeup.

It was 6pm and I was too lazy to do anything so I decided to experiment with  the makeup products I have but never really use.

I didn't really know how to put on makeup and which brushed are used for the different products, but hey I'm glad I binged watched beauty gurus because at least my makeup won't be half bad, right?

"So foundation first, then concealer, okay now set it with powder. Not bad. Let's try putting on eyeshadow. Oh man! I look like I have a black eye. Wait, what the hell is a smudge brush. Hm...guess I'll use that to fix my panda eyes. Oh wow! That looks good. Eyeliner? Heck yes. Doesn't look too good. Oh well! Ow. Poked my eye with the mascara brush. Last but not least, lip gloss. Okay, done!"

When I looked at my reflection in the mirror, I felt as though a model was staring back at me.

Obviously, my makeup skill wasn't that great but what was great was the way I felt about myself at that moment on. I felt so beautiful and I couldn't stop looking at myself. Also, that's why I took a million selfies.

Anyway, I've realized the beauty of makeup and why people love it so much.

The thing is, it's not really what other people think of your makeup, but it's about the way it makes you feel when you wear it.

I felt like Cinderella (minus the Prince Charming and the carriage), and I couldn't resist to put a "model" look on my face because that's exactly how I was feeling, like a model.

Future self, today I learnt a bunch of things at school but none of them really stuck to me like how my experience with makeup has.

I felt so gorgeous with my not so good makeup look on and it didn't matter how bad it looked, but just the way it changed me to a different, more beautiful person does.

I know future self, you probably have a job that requires you to wear makeup.And you're probably expert at putting makeup on, but you're past self here is still a baby chick that just hatched into the beauty world. Give me some time to explore this amazing world!


Yours sincerely,
     your past self


Sunday, June 12, 2016

"'I'm skinnier than you!"

Dear future self,


Future self, this society is honestly the weirdest generation ever. Body shaming is so common nowadays since most of the well-known celebrities are promoting tone defined skinny bodies.

Anyway what I'm going to be talking to you about today is similar to that.

On Saturday, we travelled to Christchurch to meet up with my step-dad and two older sisters.

My eldest sister is 20 years old and when she was around my age, she was fat!

Ever since she moved out of the house in 2014, she started losing weight and became skinny because she hardly eats, she says.

Nowadays, she is skinnier than me by a bit and every time I'm with her and my other sibling, the topic is about weight, like "oh Leila, you're so fat?" "have you lost any weight now that you're vegetarian?" etc.

I hate being with them sometimes because it was there fault that I am so self-conscious about my weight although according to the internet and my classmates, my weight is a healthy weight for my age.

Even so, my sisters always mentions my weight just because they're skinnier than me by about 2-3 kilos.

I admit, they are skinny but fit? I don't think so. My body type is mesomorph and it is easy for me to build muscle so out of the three of us, I am more fit.

Also, not to mention that when my eldest sister was 15 she was a lot fatter than I am.

But that doesn't stop her from saying things like, "I'm skinnier than you."

Which brings me to shame and also upsets me a lot because a) I'm actually trying to lose weight b) I have lost weight and I feel better about my body c) why the f*ck are you talking about my weight?

I love them and all but sometimes I wish they could just leave me alone.

Well future self, how do you feel about your body right now? Happy? Sad? Are you being teased or praised about it?


Yours sincerely,
      your past self



Friday, June 10, 2016

Mr. Perfect

Dear future self,


Okay listen here future self, there's this guy that you've been completely heads over heels with but it never ever worked out between you. For the sake of this anonymous blog, let's call him Mr. Perfect because he really is perfect!

Just to give you a quick recap, I've been liking Mr. Perfect for almost a year now and we did have a thing for a bit last year but sadly he suddenly changed his attitude towards me one day and I hate him for it.

But guess what?

I don't hate him anymore.

Let me tell you why.

Well, firstly it might just be my imagination running wild, but I've noticed over the past few weeks of school, Mr. Perfect has been staring at me and actually paying attention to me.

Like today I caught him looking at me during science and we stared at each other for a good 3 seconds before he looked away. And there are other times where I catch his gaze, which almost kills me because he's eyes are so darn cute and have a nice beautiful shade of brown that makes my heart stop.

I stare at him too.

Who am I kidding, he probably won't be interested in me because a) he has a girl friend b) he only dates popular girls c) he likes girls that know how to play rugby league (clearly not me!) and d) he's dad is against him dating Asians.

But who knows, maybe I'll be with him someday... dream on future self!


Yours sincerely,
     your past self

Thursday, June 09, 2016

15 and Single!

Dear future self,

Yeah yeah! I'm single at the moment so what? It's not like I haven't dated anyone before, in fact I've dated 15-16 guys in the past 5 years, but right now, I'm riding solo.

I know that I'm still young and the "right guy" will come one day, but that won't stop me from making a list of reasons why I am single.

Also, side note, I am not dissing myself, I'm just simply listing reasons why I think guys aren't interested in me.


TOP 8 REASONS OF WHY I AM SINGLE.

 
1. I'm ugly.
           -not literally because some say I'm pretty but I'm just not the right pick for anyone because guys only want girls with attractive looking faces like Victoria Secret Models. Stating the obvious, I'm certainly no match for models like Kendall Jenner.

2. I talk weird.
         -my lips aren't straight and when I talk my lips look weird and I can't pronounce words properly or say a sentence without swallowing half of the words.

3. I have a weird walk.
          -I've only actually noticed that my walk was completely different to everyone else. I have a walk like Zendaya and it's so frustrating because it's so hard to walk and when you watch me from the back, I look so weird an gross.

4. I don't have good communication skills.
             -I can't keep a conversation going so I never socialise with a lot of people especially boys.

5. I'm not popular.
           -In high school everything is about popularity. If you're not popular, you're just some kid that nobody cares about. It's so unfair because there's a lot of beautiful unpopular people that doesn't get any attention at all.

6. I have a tan-brown skin.
      -Some guys are just racist and doesn't want to dark skinned girls.

7. I'm Asian - (south-east)
      - High school guys are racist.

8. I'M WEIRD OVERALL.
        -Noticed that I used the word "weird" a lot? Well that's just because I am honestly a really weird person. Like really really weird.



Don't strain yourself into getting into a relationship future self because the one will come by and love you like how Edward Cullen loved Bella Swan.



Yours sincerely,
      your past self

Tuesday, June 07, 2016

Success is hard.

Dear future self,


Now that you're living a nice successful life (I hope), do you remember the struggles you've overcome to get to where you are now? Do you remember all the impossible goals you've tried to achieve? And, do you remember the disappointment you've felt when you don't reach those goals?

I'm here to tell you that success is such a hard thing to be good at and to achieve.

Since I'm still at school, my kind of success is getting straight excellence, which is the highest grade at my high school.

It's so hard to do that since you have your strengths and weaknesses when it comes to subjects and no matter how hard you study, sometimes the results aren't always good.

I've learnt that the hard way.

Every time I get a Merit (second highest grade), I feel so upset and really angry because a) I've worked my butt off for the test b) I think I've done the best I could and therefore should be rewarded for it. But it doesn't work like that.

In life, it's a mixture of good and bad, and sometimes you just have to endure the bad so you can enjoy the goods.

Although I tell myself that it's okay to get a merit because it's not such a low score, it makes me more angry as  I've trained myself to always get excellence every time.

Anyway, now that I've actually thought about this and understand that success is not a straight path but a path with lots of turns, I have a clear mind of where I'm going to set myself.

So, remember future self, success is possible but you can't always get it because life is unfair and even if you think you deserve success, you need to get over it if you don't get it and work harder next time.


Yours sincerely,
       your future self


Sunday, June 05, 2016

I WANT TO BECOME RICH!




Dear future self,

As a young teen, I’ve always talked about how you want to become successful and rich in the future. Well, I hope that by the time you’re reading this, you’re already striving to achieve this very challenging goal. If you’re not, I’m going to tell you more about this desire of mine.

Every time I watch a youtube video or see photos of girls my age and their life, I always ask myself why they were granted an amazing life and be able to afford anything they wanted, whilst I have to get a job just to get new things. I’ve never really gotten over the fact that some people are more blessed that other people in terms of wealth.

I honestly hated that! So, now that I have a long term goal of becoming rich, I am becoming so obsessive.

I feel the need to know exactly what I’m going to pursue for my career to the point where it stresses me. As you know, I have anxiety and thinking about what I’m good at that I can make a living out of, adds to my level of stress.

Okay, it probably doesn’t make sense to you, but let me break it down.

Whenever I think about something that maybe I could make as a career, it discourages me because I lack of talent to do anything let alone make money out off it.  

I have a list of careers I thought I could do like becoming an interior designer, graphic illustrator, author, veterinarian etc. but I suck at it! Therefore, I don’t see the point in trying to do it.

I know I’m only in year 10 and there’s a lot of room for improvement and learning, but if I don’t have the potential to do it in the first place, how would my future career turn out?

Honestly, I’m getting kind of stressed just talking about it. Hahaha.

To wrap this little rant all up, I don’t have any talents!!!

However, I seriously see myself as a creative person, therefore I am giving drawing a chance and so I am practicing my manga drawing skills so I can do something creative with my life.


Yours sincerely,

      Your past self

Saturday, June 04, 2016

Why I'm Not Losing Weight.

Dear future self, 


Ever since some time around last year, you've been trying to lose weight and look toned. Well, it's 2016 and you haven't achieved much. Disappointing really! But, hey progress is progress as long as you keep at it. 


Anyway, I'm going to be listing reasons of why you're not progressing much in terms of weight loss.

Also I'll be referring back to this once in a while, not that I don't believe in you, but I have a feeling it's going to be a hard long battle of our fitness journey. Thus, I have a list that can guide you!




LIST OF REASONS WHY YOU HAVEN'T BEEN PROGRESSING...MUCH!


1. You know how you feel regret after eating the whole block of chocolate but yet you continue to eat shit (soz for the use of language but seriously dohh..), well you shouldn't do that because then you'll feel twice the regret!

2. Remember all those lame excuses you use when it's 5pm and it's workout time? Honestly, that's stupid.

3. "I'll do it tomorrow." Ha. What a joke!

4. This is one of the reasons I hate. Okay, so you've eaten one bad thing and instantly you think that you should just eat whatever you want afterwards because you've already eaten ONE unhealthy thing.

5. You're always on a strict diet. Remember you're still young so embrace yourself on food you enjoy as well as being mindful of what you're consuming.

6. You're legit almost always stressed. Calm down. Take a breath, Relax,

7. You're always making impossible goals and give up when you can't achieve it.

MORE SOON!


Yours sincerely,
          past self
   

Tuesday, May 31, 2016

About Me and My Blog

Dear readers,


You're probably new to my blog so i'm going to start off by saying, nice to meet you stranger! My blog is completely anonymous so for now call me Leila.

I don't have a lot to say about myself except for that I adore my four cats and my dog. I like to play on my ukulele and hunt for any new books I can read. Drawing is also something I quite enjoy doing.

Now about my blog. 

My blog is a reflection of who I am and my teeange experiences. I like to keep memories and be able to look back in time so I write my posts in a letter format to my future self.

Other times, I also post my artworks, book reviews and just anything else that comes in mind. 

I hope you stick around and no longer become a stranger but a friend ;)


xo,
Leila